somehow at this stage in my life the world has seen it fit to allow me the luxury of being a painter and that's about it. the machinations of life have thrown me a gift, something i should examine closely and not reject. i should pursue with all the muster i can bear this gift / time. it may never come again, and the feeling of everything being too late would be a great pain to bear. i don't understand how i have been allowed this, what grants me this freedom or if only i have granted it to myself, but at this time i have felt the enormous luxury of it and will try and hold this reception to keep something warm in the stomach of my body as i work.